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The Mothers

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Babysitter

I ÖÖÖwanted to go out
But I couldn't get a babysitter no
No no no no no
IÖÖÖÖ take my kids to schools
And I pick them up at half past three
Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
IÖÖÖÖcook something for tea
But they wouldn't eat it oh no no
No no no no no
IÖÖÖ..take them to the park
And I sit about and watch them play
Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah

Wild and Crazy

When I was a young girl
Everyone would say
You're too wild and crazy
You'll live to rue the day
And if you think I do
Screw you

Now that I am older
I've put it to the test
The wild and crazy moments were
The ones that were the best

Oh no! I burnt the Dinner

I was boiling butter beans for some veggie stew
When the telephone rang
and I thought that it was you
but my instincts they were wrong
And the bloke who spoke to me
Was selling double glazing
For a kitchen company
He talked to me for quite a while
About my taste in kitchen style
But then, Oh no! something's burning!
Back to the cooker I was returning!

Oh no! Oh no! I burnt the dinner again .....
Lets get chips!

I'd had a really hectic day
And didn't feel like cooking today
I said it's frozen pizza son
So I put it in the oven, put the timer on
Without a though for the aftermath
I had a nice relaxing bath
Before I knew I fell a sleep
And I didn't hear the timer beep!

Oh no...lets get chips!

I was in the mood for a glass of gin
So I got a glass to put some in
I put my feet up and watched t.v.
And totally forgot about the family's tea
But then a child came up to me
And said mum I'm hungry, what's for tea
I know my cooking is under-rated
But this time it's been cremated!

oh no...lets get chips!

Nit Song

They're highly contagious
And they crawl from head to head

Keep away, keep away, keep away From My head
Keep away, keep away, keep away From My head
Keep away, keep away, keep away From My head
Keep away from me

They're creeping and a crawling
They're laying their eggs all over my head

keep away...

They're itching and a scratching
All over my head

keep away...

I'm going to shave my hair off
To End this misery

keep away...

Wicked Stepmother!

She came to my house
as meek as a mouse
I had my doubts
but I sussed her out

Cause she's cool, I think she's tops
when she got together with my pops
We swap clothes, there's lots she knows
I'm her friendly kid, I think she's WICKED!

Stepmom, can I call you?
Is the question that I coo
She looks at me with a grin
And shouts, Never, that's a sin!

cos she's cool...

So we talk of names
That means the same
And the one we hum
Is aunty-mum (not anti-mum!)

cos she's cool...

Punkymum

Punkymum, punkymum
We are the punkymums
We've got kids, we play guitars
And we give out the gold stars

Did you think that mums are boring
Did you think they stay at home
Shopping, cooking, cleaning, ironing
Clearing up your shit..NO!

Punkymum...

Go home now and tell your mother
Not to waste another day
Tell her to unplug the Hoover and
Plug in stuff the punky way!

Punkymum...

Baby Madness

I'm too nuts for therapy
Too busy for a break
So dog tired but I know that I've got to wake
Drowned in coffee cups
Stuffed to the guts with cake
Don't know how much I can take

Baby madness, two for the price of one
Baby madness, two for the price of one
Cute twin shirts and freedom gone
Fucked up hair and no shoes on
Waaaaa!!!

So spaced out on broken sleep
Stumblin' around to dub
Need some space some peace some love
Never had so much to do
Push comes to shove
What I need is a great big hugÖ

Baby madness....

Sod this for a lark
Who'd be a mother
Play thing, milk thing, Sassy mother lover
Tell you one thing, daddio brother
You've just got to laugh now I'm
Pregnant with anotherÖ

Baby madness.....

We love Kids

We love kids coz they run about
We love kids coz they scream and shout
We love kids coz they never doubt and
Kids believe in magic
Our kids have given us a license to play
Our kids have given us a license to play

Baby Dilemma

I am a woman, I've got a womb
I like babies, But not too soon
I am a woman, I've got a womb
I like lovin', Oh yes I do

Put it all together and I'm in a baby dilemma
Put it all together and I'm in a baby dilemma

If I have them really early will it spoil my fun
If I have them when I'm older will I be too tired to run

Put it all together ....

I have a deep down urge to procreate
But in reality there just ain't a perfect date

Put it all together ....

Planet Mum

Ovulation, copulation, incubation, lactation
Gestation for a new generation
Embarkation to a new destination
Planet mum...here we come!

My Belly Done Full-o

My belly done full-o!

My belly, my belly, my belly, done full-o
My belly, my belly, my belly done full !
My belly, my belly, my belly, done full-o
My belly, my belly, my belly done full !

Wind and colic indigestion and gas
Let it hang out you gorgeous Yorkshire lass
Nausea and vomiting, queezy and sick
come feel my baby she's giving hello kick

My belly.....

Acne and stretchmarks, itchiness and rash
Feel more chilled than stoned on hash
Cravings and constipation, aversions to food
I love my body and enjoy being nude

My belly.....

Fatigue and weepiness, depressed and tired
My passions increased & my loins are fired
Breasts and soreness, nipples and leek
Feeling happier week by week

My belly.....

More!

Bic Bix
Milk Milk
More more more
Again again again again again

Mummy MORE
Mummy NOW
Mummy MINE
Mummy,Mummy,Mummy,Mummy,Mummy,Mummy,Mummy,Mummy!!!!

Baby Blues

Woke up this morning
At quarter to five
I heard my baby, sheís so a live
She wanted to get up, no doubt about it
She wanted to get up, sheíd scream and shout it
She wanted to get up, to paint a picture
She wanted to get up, to play the piano
She wanted to get up, to watch the Tweenies
At quarter to five Ďcos sheís so alive

Toy Hell

Well well toy hell
Here we go again
Itís Christmas time
And the house s full of crap
Plastic tat
Battery Operated Plastic tat
Keep It Out of my house

Mummy I Really Love You

Mummy I really love you, Mummy I really do
Mummy I really love you, And this is what Iím going to do for youÖ

Iím gonna scribble on the walls till youíre really cross
Iím gonna watch t.v. till you wanna smash the box
Iím gonna scream all night till your ears are sore
Iím gonna shit my pants till you canít take no more!

Mummy I really love you.....

Iím gonna draw you a beautiful picture
Iím gonna switch off the t.v. and do something less boring instead
Iím gonna sleep like an angel all night
Iím gonna poo for you in the loo

Mummy I really love you.....

(Mental) Health Hazard

I told him to tidy up his room because it had become a health hazard!
Tidy, tidy tidy up! ....
Mother! This is! A mental! Health Hazard!
I told him to tidy up his room because it had become a health hazard!
Tidy, tidy tidy up!
Mother! Mother! Mother! Let me be! Mother! Mother....

Do you need a wee?

Do you need a wee? Do you need a wee?
The way youíre wriggling about indicates to me
That you need a wee, yes you need a wee
Iíve got X-ray eyes, you canít fool me

I donít know why you never listen to a word I say
I donít know why you never listen to your mother.

Are you really tired? Are you really tired?
Yes youíre completely wired, your ticketís expired
Yes I think youíre tired, youíre rubbing your eyes
I can read you like a book and youíre about to cry

I donít know whyÖ..

Do you need some food? Do you need some food?
Itís just youíre in a shitty mood I think you need some food
Youíve got low blood sugar, you grumpy little bugger
Iím a mind reading mother and Iím really shrewd

I donít know whyÖ..

Do you need a break? Do you need a break?
From this non -stop nagging. Do you mate?
Have you had about as much as you can take?
ďOh! shut up mother! For heavens sake!

Iíve heard it sixty times before
And now itís stuff that I ignoreĒ
/p>

Do you need a cuddle? Do you need a cuddle?
Iím really really sorry I was in a mother muddle
But now I know to leave it up to you, to tell me
When you need some food or you need the loo

I donít know why I never listen to a word you say
I donít know why I never listen to my kids

Super Mum

I donít want to be a supermum
I want to walk and not have to
run around after everyone
Doing everything for everyone
Being everything to everyone
except me
Cosí I donít want to be a super-mum

Be beautiful and sexy
Keep the house all clean and tidy
Have a full time job
And in my spare time do a degree
Itís not for me
Cosí I donít want to be a super-mum
Cos itís not funÖItís a drag, itís boring,
it makes me sick........etc

I donít want to be remembered for my sacrifices
I donít want to be a super-mum
Superwoman, supermarket, supermodel, super-mum, super-noodle

Pure Whore

Natural birth For what its worth! Yeah!
Breastfeed till two Make sure you do! Yeah!
Real nappy Makes them happy! Yeah!
Bed share If you care, yeah

Because you should do that And you should do this
A thousand opinions Ainít easy to diss
I wanted to be earthy, I wanted it eco
But motherhoods a lesson/In going with the flow/in really letting go/in starting to say no

Shes so smug shes so smug, Shes a real pure whore

Knit yourself Not off the shelf
Toys of wood You really should
Yoga class If you pass
Bake every day Itís the only way

Babysign certificate Prove theyíve literate
Eco-sling Itís the in thing
Home educator No dictator
Back to slim Eat vegan

Milk Pistols /Cowgirl

Oh well my babyís hungry and sheís crying out for more
And so Iím gonna get my tits out for what they are for
And I donít really care if Iím at home or only the bus
Weíre gonna do our thing and screw you if you make a fuss

Cos Iím a cowgirl cowgirl Iím a cowgirl now
Get a hold of my milk pistols and letíem flow

Tell me what is more offensive
A baby thatís crying and just wonít stop
Or a woman with a kid shoved up her top

Oh well the milk barís open when itís time for her to tot
Just watch her eyes glaze over with that dreamy double shot
Itís just a nipple tipple itís just something I supply
And If you look disapproving then Iíll shoot you in the eye

Cos Iím a cowgirl cowgirl Iím a cowgirl now
Get a hold of my milk pistols and letíem flow

No SMA and no nestle
Just sit my baby on my knee
Just you and me itís all for free

Busy

Iím too busy to listen to you
Iíve got important things to do
Iíve got important people to meet
Youíre not one of my priorities

No No! Youíre too slow!
No No! Youíre too slow!

Iím busy, My diary is really mad
Iím busy Iíve not had a day off for weeks
Iím busy, My diaryís on fire!
And I am looking down on you Ďcos I am such a high, high flyer

Skool Rules

He's gone to school, he's under their rule and I don't like it.
What do I do?
Do I send him into a system, that is conformity
A system that stifles individuality
Noisy and uncaring, kids that don't fit
Taught by teachers, who just want to quit.

He's gone to school, he's nobody's fool, and he likes it.
What do I do?
Do I keep him at home, all to my own
My twitching womb has plenty of room
To keep him safe inside, protected from society
for the rest of his adult life.

Late Again

La la la.......... late again
She's late through unprotected sex
She's late she's having a baby
And she feels like she'll never never be on time again
La la la.......... late again
And she asks herself what is time anyway, what is time
When she picks them up from nursery late she gets a fine.
La la la.......... late again
She'd like to be int he moment with her children as they play but this constructed sense of time it suckes it all away
La la la.......... late again

I can't work and be a good mum

I can't work and be a good mum

Fuck your x-box

Fuck your x-box
Kids on computer games
Kids on computer games
Kids on computer games. STOP
Dads on computer games...
I'm going to pull the plug...

EME

And he said what ' you on
I said escaped mother energy
and where ' you from
I said a two bed with nets you see
I don't get out much, but when I do
I'm on my own trip, and I get my own kicks

Mother Tongue

We all come from the motherland
And we all speak the mother tongue
Die mutter, Las madres, Les meres, The Mothers
Le madri, De moeders, As maes, The moms
Mothers make the world go round......the only one that does.
Mother Earth, mother hood, mother hubbard motherland

Poppy the Dog

This is a song about Poppy the Dog, go poppy go
Go go go poppy dog go...
go go go....(pant, whine and woof)

Sleep Deprivation

We close our eyes when we go to sleep
We close our eyes when we go to sleep
We snuggle up tight and we don't even peep
Shhh, Shhhh, go to sleep

Sleep deprivation gets you really in the mood
For a fight even though your'e feeling really subdued
All I want is a good nights' sleep,
All I want is a good nights' sleep
I'm not asking for eight hours
All I want is more than four in a row

Mother Issues

I wanna be your friend
I wanna be your lover
If you've got mother issues,
It's up to you to sort them out

I didn't give birth to you
I didn't give birth to you
I didn't give birth to you
And I'm not gonna be your mother

Copyright 2004. all rights reserved The Mothers